04 April 2010

First Day Jitters

It feels like tomorrow is my first day of school; maybe high school. I know where I'm going, I've been there for stuff before, I know what route I'm going to drive and I know at least a couple of the teachers. But... what am I going to wear?? What's my schedule going to be? Where will I sit? WHO AM I GOING TO EAT LUNCH WITH?!?! Do you remember that day? Venturing into something new and a little intimidating? You were so excited yet nervous all at once?

You've left the comfort of your junior high school where you knew the teachers, you knew your way around, and you had your routine down to an art. But you knew you couldn't stay there forever. You felt a change coming, you knew that something new was on the horizon and finally, it shows up. With school, it was a date on the calendar. But with this, it was a little different.

I left a good job with an amazing ministry and tomorrow will start a new job at my amazing church. While it was tough to leave Upward after being there for five years and seven months, I knew it was time to go. God has some things in store for me that He needs to accomplish through other means. Not sure what that entirely looks like, but that's part of the adventure! My last day - shoot, the last week! - at Upward was really hard. I cried more than any person should. But that's what I do... I cry. Sometimes it's super frustrating because when I want to be mad and angry and yell what I'm really feeling I can't! Because I'm crying and can't talk! Ugh. But these tears were a reflection of realizing just how much I was loved at this place that I
worked and served. The fine line between business and ministry only blurred the lines of relationships that were built. I didn't just have co-workers, I had friends and family that I got to see every day. And it's not easy to leave friends and family. Ever. The good news is that I'm just working in a different place, one city over. So it's not like I'm leaving the country... and I really will go back and visit. I promise!! You guys can't get rid of me quite that easily :-)

Over a year ago I felt that God was getting ready to do something. Only I didn't know what that "something" was. I was even bold enough to go into my boss's office to tell him that while I had no idea what it meant, where I was going or what I would do, I felt that 2009 was going to be my last year at Upward. You may think that this was one of the dumbest things to do, but that's how my boss and I rolled. We had that kind of relationship. Which makes me love his response even more, "Well good, I have a year to convince you not to go." If one thing was for sure, I always knew that I was valued in my position. And I never took that for granted.

Last summer, God opened some doors and I was able to buy a house (ahh!). Obviously that's a huge decision and I did not take it lightly. It happened very quickly but God and I spent a lot of time talking about it and I knew He wanted me to do it. And after that it seemed like He had me right where He wanted me. My job was awesome, I loved where I lived and now I had this great house to call home! But soon after that the feeling came back... that I wasn't going to be at Upward forever.

But the year kept getting closer to the end and the only thing I even had in my head was photography. And there was no way (especially with a for-real, grown-up thing like a mortgage) I could afford to just quit and start a photography business. So I kept praying and seeking and one day, He brought it to me. I was at church to drop something off and through some conversations, our Community Groups pastor said he had some photography questions for me and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. Sure! Why not? I had the time and I always enjoy talking photography!

Well, he did talk photography some but it led into a job description. One that really sounded interesting and right up my alley. I had been approached before about interviewing for some positions but it wasn't ever the right fit or the right time... until now. And here I am, getting ready to begin this new job. Tomorrow. And I wasn't nervous! Until about 2 hours ago when it hit that my life is about to change.

Obviously it's a good change but this was a huge decision!! I prayed and sought advice and prayed and asked opinions and prayed and prayed some more. And while part of me was scared out of my mind, I knew it's what God had in store for me. So I accepted the position. And cried. Because that's what I do, remember? Ugh. **Note: I am not a cry baby. Crying is simply how I express emotion!**

So tomorrow is my first day. And I'm so excited!!! I'm really excited about what I'll be doing, who I'll be working with and what God is going to do with all of this. But, to be honest, it's a step of faith. I'm going from a ministry/business to work at my church. I'm going from 40 hours a week and travel around the world to 32 hours a week and travel around Greenville. ha! We get Fridays off and hopefully with my travel concentrated in Greenville I'll be able to work on this photography thing some more. But with both the new job and photography, growth will have to happen before I'm settled into this new routine. And of course that will just take some time.

Oh, the other thing that's going to require some faith? My car is acting up. And not just a small, I need a thingamajig replaced that will be a few hundred dollars. The mechanics are talking engine replacement, which is more like a few thousand. Awesome.

God, I'm SO glad You know what You're doing. I'm thankful that you absorbed my sin on the cross, conquered death and that You are ALIVE today. There is no way I could get out of bed each day if it weren't for You, Jesus.

So, dear friends in cyber space and in real life, thanks for your support in this change!! I'm already looking forward to updating you on what the next couple of weeks bring.

And if you've made it this far through my ramblings, you deserve a picture. Plus, posts are just better with pictures. I took it this morning, Easter Sunday, after the baptism (which was awesome and I will share pictures of later).

1 comment:

Katelyn James said...

Thanks for your sweet comment Sabrina! I love hearing about peoples lives and what the Lord is doing through them! I'm positive you are going to do an AMAZING job tomorrow!! You can do it! the Lord is your strength! :)

I'm a Greenville, SC based wedding and portrait destination photographer who loves to be behind the lens. I look forward to hearing what you think about the posts and images as I work with amazing people to capture life and give them images they love.
Check out the website! http://photographsbysabrina.com